Smoking Cigarettes...To Be Free

Au·then·tic –
adjective
1.
not false or copied; genuine; real: an authentic antique.

What is this about? Well...lately I have been feeling as if I was in some sense of a false reality. Like the life I am living is somewhat fake and the life I want to live by is somewhat distant and unreachable...So, I am now on a journey of authentication and realizing the truth about life and a real worldview. Life's little mysteries make you want to wake up, but when you do its like you are still asleep and you attempt to awaken yourself over and over and over again. So, how do you live a life that is genuine when what surrounds you is often imitated and superficial. Side note on authentic free-thinking: There is a lady outside of the locality in which I sit smoking a cigarette and drinking some iced drink and she looks free; free of complexity and anger. It seems that her thoughts are slowly perusing through her mind at their own free will, but yet she is slowly killing herself with this same freeness, but she hasn't a care in the world, she seems so free and that's the point she seems authentically free. I want to be free of labels, ie the black girl typing on her computer. I want to smoke a cigarette and be authentically free, but to me I would be filled with thoughts that keep me from letting go and simply being me. And, I would be plagued with the thought of the freely flowing nicotine filling my body which acts as a parasite to my left lung creating, twenty years from now, the beginning of my demise...SEE that's what I mean. I am not yet authentically free because every thought turns into another Negative thought which prevents me from being my true self. I am so uptight and afraid of change, but want change so badly. I want to be this free spirit, but I am not free. I am afraid of your judgement..even when I am probably not even being judged. I hate hurting people, but still I hurt them. I am against racism and sexism, but still I am not as outspoken against it as I should be! I claim I like to write, but I fail to write enough. I am against large-exploitive corporations, but still I work for one..which is killing me softly by the way. I buy books that I foresee reading, but never read them...this is not being authentic. So..it's time to do what I say and say what I mean! It's time to smoke that metaphorical cigarette that is eager to seep freedom and knowledge throughout my soul...Put simply its time to be authentically me!