Where Did The Love Go: Did It Ever Begin?

The arguments persisted. One voice over another. One man interrupting the woman next to him. One woman screaming at the top of her lungs because he would not let her speak. One man saying "I am not responsible for your kids!" and one woman saying "But, you are responsible for all of our children". Sounds like a repeated episode of Maury or Jerry Springer, but no it wasn't. It was Part II of "Where Did The Love Go: Hip Hop versus America". It's hilarious, but insulting all at the same time. Primarily, because this is what white America, the great five percent, want us and every other person who tunes into B.E.T. to see and then they want us to conclude that the stereotypical conclusions about African-American men and women are true. Men are loud, obnoxious, chauvenistic, and ignorant. The women are both loud and at times silent (due to their submissiveness), hot-headed, hoes, and sack chasers. Thank you BET for aiding in the degredation of our community once again! But, aside from the anger that has come out of an episode such as this one there were a few good things that came out it. Some of them are personal for my own knowledge building tactics and some are just general conclusions.

Our Distorted Past..

There is, indeed, a great divide in the African-American community. This divide stems from the very origins of what it means to be black in America. Now, of course there was misogyny which existed in Africa before Africans were brought here, but the misogynistic attitudes which personifies America's imperialistic nature persisted and was immersed in those who forcefully became Darkies, Porch Monkey's, Nigger's, Negros, and now, African-Americans. During slavery, the black male was utilized and commodified for his strength and endurance. The woman was utilized and commidified for her domestic and laboring abilities, as well as, her body. She was itemized as an animalistic creature whose primary purpose was to continously produce more male slaves by any means necessary. She was also objectified as her "Master's" sexual canvas. This created a great divide between black men and women and one which perpetuated a learned hate for the other gender. For the man, there existed envious, and betrayal-ridden thoughts. For the woman, there existed thoughts of helplessness and desertedness. At the end of the day, we were made to hate ourselves and each other.

So, lets fast-forward to the 1960's and 1970's...

The Civil-Rights Movement, which was when black men and women discovered their abilities to raise their voices and symbolically their fists to demand change from a America that provided nothing, but poverty and limited opportunities, also lurked with sexism. During this time blacks had leaders and groups that made it their job to speak out against racial oppression. It seems that we were united as one group and some changes would finally occur. But as you pick apart the layers of the Civil Rights Movements and black-power movements, at the center still lurked self-hatred and sexism. This is why Alice Walker, Angela Davis, Audre Lorde, and bell Hooks took a stand. If problems did not exist then there would be no need for a movement. They served as the catalyst, along with Sojourner Truth, for the black feminists or womanist movement. Mainly because within the Civil-Rights Movement women were simply supposed to be the buttress for the men who did the "real" work, thinking, protesting, etc.

Now, today...

Things have not really changed! So, for all of those who think that feminism is dead, YOU ARE Dead WRONG! We are just fighting a different battle, but the ground on which we fight is the same. Black women, as pointed out in the above mentioned program, are still the objects of sexism. Scratch that...they are still objectified! Black men are often the scapegoats of so-called problems within the media, but women are too. In the music industry and on the news, sex and violence sells mainly because those who buy these goods and buy into the broadcasts have been conditioned to consume such trash. African-American's, in turn, utilize rap to find a way out of the traps that they have been forced into. The millions that they generate symbolically aids in dismantling those traps, but not realistically. Truthfully, those traps still exist because these same artists, if you even want to call them that, aid in building or perpetuating the next black woman's or man's struggle. They literally rap about "trap or die" and those who view this, who have no other choice, take the bait, but usually they die because they do not have a skill such as rapping, and in some venues playing sports, that they can utilize to generate cash and get them out of their newly created trap.

For the woman, they are also pushed into a trap. When we view music videos created by black and white rap or r&b artists the women are personified as objects. Objects that are to be seen, but not heard. So, when the little girl who is home alone, because her mother is working her second job or watching right along with her, is watching Lil' Wayne's video and begins singing "Lick, Lick, Lick,...Like A Lollipop, She Said It's So Sweet, She Want's To Like The Rapper" how does her mother explain that one. She also is bombarded with images of personalities such as Deelishis shaking her ass around the television. Oh...by the way, Deelishis was on the program as well. So for a child who knows nothing else, but rap videos and video girls and realizes that they 'seem' happy what should she do? She probably emulates that which she sees on television.

To conclude, the media is not the sole problem, which exists in the African-American community, but it is a major problem. African-Americans, as a whole, are damaged and most of us have not found ways to undue the pain. Most of us fail to even recognize that we are a hurt People. So, how can a man respect me if he is in a constant state of denial and is not aware of his history and his forced oppression? How can I respect her if I have not come to love myself and who I am? How can we love each other if we have yet to embrace our history and move forward TOGETHER towards the future? So in response to the title of BET's program, "Where Did The Love Go?", I ask, When did it begin?

All and all, B.E.T. set out to make a difference, but it simply aided in perpetuating erroneous stereotypes about African-American women and men. But, the one thing I pride it on is that it catalyzed conversations...conversations such as this one, which I hope will continue.