Black Feminist Writing A Self-New Love...Literary That Is

So, I have been thinking....I'm in love with narratives of black lesbian women! Yep, I said it...I'm not one and I should not even have had to say it, but I think this is why it makes it so interesting to me...to know that I love their coming of age stories...and noting the similarities, while the world is stuck on the differences. This past week in class we "attempted" to read Judith Butler and I thought about the blurring of the lines of divisive sexualities. But, at the same time I think their is something wonderful in writing about their struggles and their success in dealing with it. Gosh, I thought life as a young, black, woman was hard, but can you imagine being young, black, lesbian, and a woman?

I am saying all this to say that the autobiographical narratives of contemporary black, feminist, lesbians is a new direction that I would like to take my writing in. While I am still going to focus on Audre Lorde and bell hooks...I am going to show how the writing of more contemporary black feminist memoirists like Staceyann Chin are shaped by later writers.

Black Feminist Writing A Self-Food For Thought

Apparently, there will be days that I choose not to work on my thesis...this is one of those days. But, I do realize that I think about additions to my writing and possible ideas for my writing everyday. Today, a quote from Audre Lorde's essay "Eye to Eye" made me think about why I chose to write my thesis and an additional direction to take my thesis in. The quote is as follows: "Nothing I accept about myself can be used against me to diminish me. I am who I am, doing what I came to do, acting upon you like a drug or a chisel to remind you of your me-ness, as I discover you in myself."(Lorde, Sister Outsider) The reasoning behind my thesis was to initially intrigue women to find a common ground and a sense of harmony in the writing that led me to my declaration of feminism. When I first read many of the words of bell hooks I realized that we had a lot in common. For example, her mother was very distant mentally from her as a child and my mother was distant physically. Initially, this distance leads to the same feelings of sadness and solitude. While bell hooks learned early to find comfort in her writing and no longer seemed to feel alone, I only recently became familiar with the cathartic abilities of writing. By writing I would really love to get to the point where I find solace in my solitude. I would like to feel comforted and warm when I am alone because I able to think and write, and just be me. I realize that this is a point I wish to reach so that nothing "I accept about myself can be used against me to diminish me" like my loneliness. See I was sad when I was lonely, and that was in a way diminishing all that I was or I am to become because one never knows who they truly are unless they can be that way when they are alone. I realize that their are black girls and black women everywhere who yearn to find a common place to go where people do not judge them. I found this place within the narratives of the lives of Audre Lorde and bell hooks. Their writing for me is the chisel that reminds me of our sameness.

Black Feminist Writing A Self-Can Mental and Physical Enlightenment Help You Write?

The answer is YES! So, after reading Lisa's blog-post I couldn't help but smile continuously because of the similarities in our process. In fact, a few weeks ago I suggested to myself and others that on May 4th I would begin walking, eating healthier (which might be a stretch because I'm a veggie anyway), and enlightening my mind in a spiritual manner through mindful meditation. Writing is a process, which is holistic. It seems impossible to fully delve into the writing process without actually being mentally and physically fit. Besides, my whole topic focuses on the use of autobiography as a consciousness raising and rhetorical tool. Consciousness means politically, socially, economically, psychically, and mentally being aware of ones surroundings, the oppressions that lurk within them, and one's own position in those surroundings. I believe that once my life is filled with healthy choices, it is only then that I can dare speak to others about being conscientious. But, because I must write now as a requirement for a degree I must do these things simultaneously. Essentially, my own enlightenment is more important and urgent than completing a third degree, but I love to write so they go hand in hand.

My goal is to ultimately feel healthy and mentally wealthy like the phenomenal Alice Walker who shares that for her writing, talking, and sharing her words were at one time a struggle, but there was a point when she felt that "talking in this way-and seeing by their faces and responses that I was getting through-seemed entirely miraculous . As miraculous as writing." I continuously think about the writing of Alice Walker, bell hooks, and Audre Lorde when I write not only because I am writing about them, but also because they were once where I am..feeling the same feeling. They have inspired women like me, just as I hope to do for other women. I am reminded that they strive for enlightenment pretty much everyday because our growth is never ending. This is why my goal is to treat this writing process as a cathartic tool that will help me while simultaneously helping others.

Peace;)

"When life descends from the pit/I must become my own candle/Willingly burning myself/To light up the darkness/ Around me. -Alice Walker

Black Feminist Writing A Self-Dealing with Perplexity

I was told by my mentor Heather Neff that writing is a state of mind. You get into a mode and you just write. I was also told by a friend, Evita that it is when we find solace in solitude that we write and think the best. This is fine except for the fact that when I read and write the ideas come at a speed of like 100 miles per hour. That being said, I do have 10 pages and must add at least five more to do this first chapter justice. I have not even covered the historical background of black women writing autobiography. The goal is to finish the chapter by December 2009, but at this rate I will be done some time in August 2010...not acceptable. So, today...I will add the historical background to what I have thus far. For, without this history there would be no autobiography...and no such thing as black feminism because there would be no narrative of such a movement. In this background I plan to learn something new and share something new the next time I write to you. I am sure my research today will foster enlightenment in some way, shape or form. I plan to transgress just a little by the time darkness falls. Wish me luck;0

"Words invite us to transgress-to move beyond the world of the ordinary." (bell hooks)

Black Feminist Writing A Self-Introduction

So, I have decided to document my thesis writing process. Hopefully, it will make it much easier and make me a better writer. My thesis is an attempt to show how the autobiographical writings of bell hooks and Audre Lorde can be utilized as a form of consciousness raising rhetoric for black women. There are so many parts and I actually completed a tentative first chapter on the general politics of autobiographical writing, and how hooks and Lorde fit in or, well, don't.

Why?
I chose to write on this topic because the autobiographical writings of bell hooks was how I actually got into the whole feminism thing. Her story or stories has helped me attempt to deal with some of the things in my own life, like being bullied as a child, teenager, and semi-adult. My final hope for the entire thesis is to ultimately heal the wounds and mend some of the voids, which exist in my life by dissecting the writings of hooks and Lorde; while also creating a rhetoric that other black women and women of color in general can use to do the same. Wish me luck and here I go.

Audre told me my silence would not protect me, so I have chosen to speak.;)

Wearing My Race On My Sleeve

I would like to officially say that I wish there were black-owned cafes or coffee-shops in my area, which is Northwest Detroit. This is simply because I would love to hang there all day and just write, breathe, and then write again. I would also love if my dollars went towards the upliftment of my own community. Unfortunately, there are none so I am forced to go to places in Royal Oak, Allen Park, and Hamtramck to do what I do best. This is unfortunate for two reasons...it is too far and I feel that I simply do not belong. Maybe I wouldn't need a black-owned cafe if people were more open to diversity. What is an utopia to some is a place of torture for others. Quite frankly, you can not be creative when hate and misunderstanding are lurking in the air.

Chillin' on a SUN-day Afternoon....Freestyle, but not a rap

I am cool. No really, I am cool with where I am in my life. I am very contemplative at this time, but that is natural. I believe it is not natural to be content with everything in your life because if you are than there is never room for improvement and we can all improve in some fashion. I am writing this because I know that there are other things I should be doing, but I am not. And, I am cool with that. What I am not satisfied with is the world surrounding me. For example, the homeless guy who limped past me as I perused through my Facebook page. The look on his face could exemplify an entire book filled with his life. The dirt, the tireless nights, filled with chills that no one seems to recognize, but me, which doesn't matter if I don't plan on helping him. But, how can I help without giving him a home or food or warmth. He doesn't want that. He wants to be free from the dirt, the tirelessness; the cold looks that he gets from people who are a reflection of you and I. Stop starring-he wants YOU to stop starring and give him peace of mind, which he lost when he was at war for YOU. Wow-ok-that was a tangent, but whatever. While you are probably wondering what I am thinking and/ or talking about he is still limping down the street looking for something to make him feel cool with where he is in life, but naturally contemplative. He isn't because WE keep passing him by. On our glorified SUN-days.

Sometimes A Loss Transforms into A Gain

Wow...It has been almost a month since the last time I posted something. Well, here I go again!

Two days ago a man I barely got to know passed away. That man, you could say was my grandfather. He was my stepmother's father, but he also called me his grandchild, like she calls me her child. While emotions regarding death are very minimal to me, I simply thought about how I had just seen him on the 4th of July talking loudly and sitting in his chair. This made me emotional. It seems that every person who passes in my life I use the excuse of "Oh, we were not close enough for me to actually be sad", and I attempt to move on, but his death has sparked memories of the deaths of those that I simply attempted to move on from, but couldn't. From my own mother, my grandfather, my aunt, my stepmother's mother, my grandmother, and finally my grandfather.

So, last night at about 2 a.m. I stayed up pondering why? Why is there a disconnect with EVERYONE in my life. Why do I stay so far away? But, why is it when something disastrous happens I am always bombarded by disbelief and a sense of grief? I partially feel that when my mother passed when I was seven years old, I simply tucked my feelings away in my pocket of life and moved on. I never believed that she was truly dead, instead I felt she was still here somewhere watching me, guiding me, within me. To be honest the other people who passed away I was never close to. But, maybe I failed to be close to prevent another loss. I was afraid of my aunt and my father's father and when he passed I actually dreamed that I was at a funeral and then my father woke me up and told me that my grandfather had passed away. Then when my stepmother's mother passed I remembered crying, but because we were not that close, again, I was not significantly affected by her death. When my grandmother passed it was sort of the same circumstance. I do still often cry over her because I am angry with myself about my failure to grow close to her. And, now my "grandfather"! Wow, you were a feisty person and I LIKED IT! And, while I am sorry that you are not here I know that your memory will live on.

I can no longer embrace these people in a physical fashion, but I can embrace them mentally. And, although I failed to have their backs on numerous occasions, I KNOW they will always have mine. Their souls will be my guides through life. So, now I have not one or two I have SIX angels pushing me through all of life's strife. From my "grandfather" I get my opinionated manner, from my grandmother I get my quest for knowledge, from my "grandmother" I get my grace, from my aunt I get my spirituality, from my grandfather I get my suave-like tastes, and from mother there is nothing to take because we are already one in the same.

So, for those of you who become overwhelmed with grief or sadness after the passing of a loved one, just remember that sometimes a loss transforms into a gain.

For You, I Have Chosen To Speak

"For those of us who live at the shoreline

standing upon the constant edges of decision

crucial and alone"...

I will speak constantly trembling with fear,

but I WILL SPEAK!

Sharing stories with you

about the tortuous episodes experienced

by My Black sisters-young and old.

Of course there have been others tortured and mutilated,

but it is Our time to say STOP!

Why must WE fight each other

when they want us to die alone?

I'm sorry My tunes did not match Your rhythms,

and that My tonality lacked Your urban swang,

but there was no reason for You to ask for My silence.

Simply because I am of a lighter pigment

does not mean We are not one in the same.

We must speak.

We must speak...

Together.

They constantly rebuke Our struggle and attempt to redefine Herstory

when they are written all over Our faces.

Tears that won't bother to dry.

Wrinkles of worry carved into Our melanin-drowned skin.

But they say We're just angry, no reason, just angry.

There are answers. We should clue them in.

they have transformed Us into to aggressors

attempting to question the oppression

We have been forced to endure.

When they look into their mirror's of life

there are images there waiting to be set free,

but when We look We are taken aback by the invisibility

of what it means to be:

Young, Black, and Female.

Sister's it is time to reflect upon Our misfortune

and capitalize on the Women We claim to be.

So, I have chosen to speak...

"For those of us who live at the shoreline

standing upon the constant edges of decision

crucial and alone."

Quoted words by Audre Lorde

Just Let Your Soul Glow...

The Cleansing of My Soul...

So, yesterday concluded an entire week off of work and free from any true obligations. I must say I had a chance to live my life the way that I would like to live it everyday. I discovered new sides of myself that I always knew existed, but that I never had the chance to hone. From painting and redecorating a room alone to writing and reading so much I almost transformed into to a human-lexicon. I also realized that sometimes your time should be spent in silence and solidtude, away from the other occupants of this earth, even if it is only a couple of hours to really immerse yourself into what you love. But, in terms of spending time, I also learned to cherish the relationships that are the most dear my heart. Sometimes we forget how much having a person to talk to and to share the most troubling and triumphant moments of life with truly is; it is the greatest gift life can offer. So, for my very dear companionships, friendships, and familial relationships I am thankful because good people are rare gems. Now, back to the painting, drawing, and writing. It is during this time that I feel the most enlightened and spiritual. I feel a connection that is outside of my usual existence. For me these things, equate to doing yoga for hours. Oh, to be free... Afterwards, I am so calm or zen-like. But, don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that ignorance and destruction still pervades my surroundings, but through the previously spoken of relationships with my significant other, my bestfriend, my father, my brother, and my step-mother, as well as, my drawings, writings, and my paintings, I am able to cope and just BE. These things provide for me a type of cleansing that no spa can provide.